Severed Cable Syndrome

Posted by 5x5 on July 4, 2010 under Geek Talk | Be the First to Comment

A severed cable may be miles away and still cause symptoms to emerge near your home or place of work. If you have experienced an Internet outage, your family or co-workers might have become affected by Severed Cable Syndrome (SCS). Knowing the signs of SCS may protect you and your family from its drastic effects.

Signs include:

• Chronic Internet users may be found walking aimlessly in circles. They will look a lot like zombies, so be careful not to cut off their heads. Drive the infected to the nearest coffee shop with free wifi. Recovery is typically quick; however reports show, adding a cup of coffee results in immediate recovery in most cases.
• A large number of dead messenger pigeons will be found in the area. Packets flooding out of severed cable and trying to re-route, soak into the messenger pigeon’s feathers, causing them to plummet to their deaths due to overload.
• Affected children and adults may be noted to have a small piece of information, but believe they know everything related to the topic or they are unable to assemble all the information properly. This odd side-effect affects teenagers more than any other age group.
• Watch for an influx of gophers into basements and roadways, as packet flooding causes them to lose their ability to communicate and find direction.
• You might hear odd sounds or voices. Along with packets, you’ll want to watch out for escaped VoIPs. Their population has been growing, making them quite eager to escape when cable is severed. They are typically identified by their repetitive sound, “I can’t hear you!”, although they have been observed to make other sounds as well.

If you experience any of these problems or suspect there is a problem, please contact your local cable provider.